Abandon Ship

Though one can’t argue with my mean backfloat, I do admit that I am not the most swim savvy person on earth. I mean just because you try out to be a lifeguard, and end up getting rescued by the lifeguards administering the test, doesn’t necessarily mean you’re the worst… just means you need some improvement on your swim skills. (true story)

Even still… My lack of skill for all things swim oriented won’t stop me this time… I’m abandoning ship.

We’re all traveling on a boat in this great ocean of life. The sun shines some days and it’s easy sailing, storms rage other days, and the journey seems like it will consume us, but how many of us are not moving at all? Just stuck in the same spot in the ocean…day after day…year after year… as we watch other boats sail by.

Our boat has stopped sailing because of FEAR.

Maybe it was a devastating failed relationship, or complacency with the comfortable, or another tragic event that took place in your life that has stopped you from moving ahead.

If we want to move forward we need to ABANDON SHIP.

Sure, there are risks in that. What if we drown? What if something else comes and devours us in the ocean?

But what if we stay in that boat of fear? Will your life, will my life, forever be defined as a life of blessings and growth missed out on?

It may be scary for a while, but we’ll eventually make it to another boat, one that is moving ahead, and may even have some other people to enjoy the journey with. The boat we once called “safe” will be a distant memory, while we enjoy the life of freedom and joy that comes with trusting God and living by faith.

The reward is greater than the risk.

The reward is GREATER than the risk.

The REWARD is GREATER than the risk.

It has taken me quite some time to come to terms with that, but I’m trusting God to help me every single day that I feel I want to doggy paddle my way back into that idle boat. I want to keep swimming, and climb onto a boat that is moving in only one direction (“cuz you’re beautiful, just the way you are”…sorry cheesy tangent)…. ahead. I refuse to let the enemy win and miss out because of fear.

Faith is telling us to “Abandon Ship”. Will we obey?

Agenda: Love,



100%… Like A Baby.

Right now I feel like I’m back in high school, anxiously waiting for an acceptance letter from a college I was hoping to get accepted to. Every time my phone gets the email icon, I get excited, only to be disappointed by some ridiculous spam marketing email. I have never disliked Central Department store (a Thai store), more than I do now. I sent out several emails and Facebook messages last week, and have yet to get a response.

I think I’m putting my hope in an email response, when I shouldn’t be. God knows my next step, and He’s leading me there even if I feel like I’m not moving.


A friend of mine told me about how incredible a baby’s focus is. They are only consumed with what is right in front of them…100%. If they’re playing with a squeaky toy, that squeaky toy is the most important thing in their life for those 5 minutes. They aren’t thinking about the other 20 toys they could be playing with instead, or what stuffed animal they cuddled with the night before.

They are 100% in the wonderful moment of squeaky toy playing, and not thinking about their past or their future.

Sometimes in life it is detrimental to have that kind of focus, but sometimes in life it is beneficial, and productive to have that kind of focus. It makes you appreciative, and content with “today”. Making the most of it, wherever we are, especially since tomorrow is not promised to anyone.

I pray that God will help me have that kind of focus right now. The next step, the rest, will come at it’s perfect time, and only He knows when that is. And then I want to be 100% there too.

 “Yet God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God’s work from beginning to end.” Ecc. 3:11

Agenda: Love,


The Dawn

I knew it was coming.

I knew the feelings of being numb would be overridden by God’s loving kindness and Truth.


Hugs from friends, prayers from friends, prayers to God…

But wanna know the key secret ingredient?


Honoring God, thanking Him, praising Him even when you don’t feel it.

Because just because a circumstance changes, or a person hurts you, or you feel overwhelmed, it doesn’t change WHO GOD IS.

He never changes.

He’s always worthy of all the credit.

He’s always the Creator, and if we just pause and take a look around, we see his handiwork displayed from the tiniest flower and squirrel to the majestic clouds, and mountains.

It’s about looking up.. not looking in or down.

Not in at myself, self-pity, and self-centeredness

Not down in a defeated, and depressed position.


Even if it’s in a “God, I feel nothing, but I will bless your name regardless!” kind of up.

My how that brings the dawn.

Job knew the secret in the midst of his family, fortune, and health being taken away. When his world around him was crumbling, and nothing was steady, or certain he said

“I came naked from my mother’s womb,
and I will be naked when I leave.
The Lord gave me what I had,
and the Lord has taken it away.
Praise the name of the Lord!” Job 1:21

Praise brings the dawn.

Agenda: Love,


Agenda: Numb

taken from my journal 9/21/20

I don’t really know what’s going on inside of me. I feel so… numb.

I feel numb about all the sicknesses/deaths/accidents that have been affecting both sides of my family.

I feel numb about guys, about liking anyone, wanting to ever get married or have kids.

I feel numb about my future.

I also feel selfish. I hate feeling selfish, this false sense of entitlement that I need to be taken care of for once.

I feel worried about support, and if I will have enough to last another year.

I feel forgotten by people.

I feel forgotten by God.

I’m not really sure how to get out of this.

I don’t show it on the outside, and my mind constantly pushes it away, but when I sit and ponder, the feelings…the confusion…the numbness surfaces.

There’s one devotional from “Come Away My Beloved” that I keep on re-reading.


“Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.” Matt. 6:33

Incline your heart to Me, and attune your ear to My voice. For I would speak to you, and I have an urgent message to give you. Do not set out to establish your own designs. I have already set in motion My divine will and purpose, and I would not have you interfere. I am jealous of my children; They are Mine, and you shall not intrude in any way to hinder My plans from working out. Yes, you may do many things, but only that which I direct you to do can have My blessing.

Resign all into My hands- your loved ones as well as your own self. Be obedient to the still small voice. Your own imaginings may speak more loudly, but wait upon Me always. You will see the wisdom in this in due time. Fret not about carnal things, but concern yourself first and aways with spiritual values. Truly, My promise is still “Seek first the Kingdom of God, and all the other needful things will be added to you.”

The bottom line is that I have to RESIGN it ALL. Fear won’t let me resign it ALL, but I know I have to.

Father, help me resign it all..ALL..into your very capable, loving hands. Teach me what it looks like again to seek your Kingdom first, above all else, daily. Forgive me for my disgusting selfishness that kept me focused on me for way too long. Work in me the desire and will to complete the works you have prepared for me since before time began.

I know the dawn is coming.

Agenda: Love,


Quest To Find the City of Angels: The Call

If you didn’t get a chance to hear about how the night out in the Angeles City red-light district went, you can watch the video HERE. I share about how that evening unfolded, and the need there. It was definitely one of the most intense evenings of my life.

This last video is for those whose hearts were moved by the need in Angeles City. I share some facts about Angeles City, that the Renew Foundation has discovered. I also share about the AMAZING work that they are doing there. They have another video on their website for you to watch.

If you are looking for a place to serve, regarding the issue of human trafficking and sexual exploitation, you are welcome to come here and work alongside me, BUT I ask that you would consider serving alongside what Renew is doing for the Kingdom, in the Philippines.

Facts not shown in the video:

– My trike driver got super lost on our way to Renew, but we eventually made it.

– Korean men are the number one (Asian) tourists, for sex tourism, to the Philippines.

– Renew has been working in Angeles City for 7 years.

<p><a href=”http://vimeo.com/46366660″>Quest to Find the City of Angels- The Call</a> from <a href=”http://vimeo.com/user3629705″>Bethsaida Portalatin</a> on <a href=”http://vimeo.com”>Vimeo</a&gt;.</p>

Thank you all for journeying along with me on this 5 part Vlog adventure on the Quest to Find the City of Angels. It’s so humbling to think that you would take time out of your day to be a part of this. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. ❤

May we continue to let our hearts break for what God’s heart breaks for, and be His hands and feet on Earth, while we still have breath to be.

Agenda: Love,


Massage Parlors + Bars = Modern Day Miracles

First there was one massage parlor= 2 girls

Then there was one massage parlor + one bar = 7 girls

Then there was one massage parlor + two bars =14 girls

Then there was no massage parlor + scattered girls = 4 girls

Today (2 weeks later) there are 2 massage parlors + 2 bars = 20 girls

More and more girls, from the red-light district, are wanting to learn English. I pray that they keep on coming.

This is opening up amazing doors to build relationships, hear their stories, share our stories, and love them with God’s supernatural love.

I’m praying that lives will be transformed, and become modern day miracles!

Oh, and did I mention that a past bar girl is now working with us, through our sponsorship program (that you can be a part of!), and helping us translate as we teach English….

She has quite a long road ahead of her, but she is in a Life-giving environment for 30 hours a week now!  The Light is greater than the darkness. So we’re going to pour into her the light, and truth of Jesus Christ, through living our lives with her.

Yea.. pretty sweet what God is doing here.

Keep praying! (and btw we need more volunteers too =) )

Agenda: Love,


Last Time I Checked…Children Were Human.

There are protests and riots springing up all over the world today. Some are for just and noble causes, others have no specific focus, though they claim to. Regardless of the issue, culture, or country, these groups of individuals are emerging to voice the rights that they are entitled to, or feel entitled to.

A group of individuals who will never be able to congregate and voice their rights to the government are the impoverished and exploited children around the world. Did you know that children have rights too?

Right to Life

Right to Education

Right to Food

Right to Health

Right to Water

Right to Identity

Right to Freedom

Right to Protection

I won’t go into the details of these rights, many of them are self-explanatory, but you can find the definitions, and more resources on children’s rights, at Children’s Rights Portal.

The children that I see at night working in the red-light, selling roses and flower necklaces, are being robbed of these rights… but you won’t see them pitching tents at the gates of the King’s Palace, and demanding their natural born rights. They are an overlooked group of children here, because these children are not orphaned (either they are working for their parents or someone who owns them), and so don’t qualify to get into a preventative orphanage. They are also already exposed to the dark world of sexual exploitation, and so some people feel it is too “late” for them, in regards to mindset.

But SOMEONE needs to fight for them…Someone needs to advocate for them… Someone needs to bring Hope to them… Someone needs to give them, even just 20 minutes, of the innocence and protection that rightfully comes with being a child.

Because God adores these children, He has put this desperation on Love Acts’ heart and on the hearts of some of the Thai people who attend the church we partner with.

Thursday we all went out to the red-light with a very specific goal of rounding up the children and playing with them for 20 minutes, as a break in their evening of “work”.

The Thai volunteers prepared games for the children. One of the Thai volunteers brought over a mother who has three children selling.. the youngest is about 4. 

It was watching heaven unfold on earth as the children played, and laughed, and felt the love of God being poured out on them. Images that will never leave my mind. I didn’t want to take pictures the first night, because..well because I just didn’t feel it was right. But here is one of a boy, 13, who I have become close with. Teenagers…

The mother was watching along, smiling, as her children laughed. Before the children had to go back to work, the mother asked one of the volunteers if they could teach her children English. So we will start to do that in the bar area as well!

We will be doing this consistently, every time we go into the red-light. For our first hour there, we will focus on the children, teaching English and games/songs/stories. Then we hit the bars for the next two hours.

Where did we meet with the children? Right in the heart of the red-light district, outside a closed building…which happens to be FOR SALE.

If there are two things that I know for sure, it is that God does miracles, and God is LOVE. I know He wants us in the center of the red-light.. so please pray that He would do a miracle and give us that building. At the moment, it is out of our price range.

It would be  perfect for teaching the bar girls, and the children. It would be a peaceful, and loving, drop in center for the bar girls during the day, and a safe haven for the children at night. It would also be a place to educate the parents about what their children are really being exposed to.

It will be a place where God’s LIGHT would shine like a diamond “against the jet black sheet of night” of the red-light district there.

And so I’ll leave you with this song that’s been playing in my heart over and over:

“The devil’s dealing dirty
In broken hearts and counterfeit currency 
The living isn’t easy 
When a heart’s regret can tax the air you breathe 

But like diamonds we shine
Up against the sheet of night
The jet-black sheet of night
We overtake the cityscapes
We scale the heights
We break but we don’t die

Whoa we’ve got a blood
We’ve got a love that’ll brave the flood
Whoa we’ve got a blood
We’ve got a love that’ll brave…

The cold will leave you guilty
And the wind will shake you like a tambourine
The dogs will leave you hungry
And your superiors will tax the blood you bleed

But like diamonds we shine
Up against the sheet of night
The jet-black sheet of night
We overtake the cityscapes
We scale the heights
We break but we don’t die”

Agenda: Love,