The Dawn

I knew it was coming.

I knew the feelings of being numb would be overridden by God’s loving kindness and Truth.


Hugs from friends, prayers from friends, prayers to God…

But wanna know the key secret ingredient?


Honoring God, thanking Him, praising Him even when you don’t feel it.

Because just because a circumstance changes, or a person hurts you, or you feel overwhelmed, it doesn’t change WHO GOD IS.

He never changes.

He’s always worthy of all the credit.

He’s always the Creator, and if we just pause and take a look around, we see his handiwork displayed from the tiniest flower and squirrel to the majestic clouds, and mountains.

It’s about looking up.. not looking in or down.

Not in at myself, self-pity, and self-centeredness

Not down in a defeated, and depressed position.


Even if it’s in a “God, I feel nothing, but I will bless your name regardless!” kind of up.

My how that brings the dawn.

Job knew the secret in the midst of his family, fortune, and health being taken away. When his world around him was crumbling, and nothing was steady, or certain he said

“I came naked from my mother’s womb,
and I will be naked when I leave.
The Lord gave me what I had,
and the Lord has taken it away.
Praise the name of the Lord!” Job 1:21

Praise brings the dawn.

Agenda: Love,



Agenda: Numb

taken from my journal 9/21/20

I don’t really know what’s going on inside of me. I feel so… numb.

I feel numb about all the sicknesses/deaths/accidents that have been affecting both sides of my family.

I feel numb about guys, about liking anyone, wanting to ever get married or have kids.

I feel numb about my future.

I also feel selfish. I hate feeling selfish, this false sense of entitlement that I need to be taken care of for once.

I feel worried about support, and if I will have enough to last another year.

I feel forgotten by people.

I feel forgotten by God.

I’m not really sure how to get out of this.

I don’t show it on the outside, and my mind constantly pushes it away, but when I sit and ponder, the feelings…the confusion…the numbness surfaces.

There’s one devotional from “Come Away My Beloved” that I keep on re-reading.


“Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.” Matt. 6:33

Incline your heart to Me, and attune your ear to My voice. For I would speak to you, and I have an urgent message to give you. Do not set out to establish your own designs. I have already set in motion My divine will and purpose, and I would not have you interfere. I am jealous of my children; They are Mine, and you shall not intrude in any way to hinder My plans from working out. Yes, you may do many things, but only that which I direct you to do can have My blessing.

Resign all into My hands- your loved ones as well as your own self. Be obedient to the still small voice. Your own imaginings may speak more loudly, but wait upon Me always. You will see the wisdom in this in due time. Fret not about carnal things, but concern yourself first and aways with spiritual values. Truly, My promise is still “Seek first the Kingdom of God, and all the other needful things will be added to you.”

The bottom line is that I have to RESIGN it ALL. Fear won’t let me resign it ALL, but I know I have to.

Father, help me resign it all..ALL..into your very capable, loving hands. Teach me what it looks like again to seek your Kingdom first, above all else, daily. Forgive me for my disgusting selfishness that kept me focused on me for way too long. Work in me the desire and will to complete the works you have prepared for me since before time began.

I know the dawn is coming.

Agenda: Love,


Quest To Find the City of Angels: The Call

If you didn’t get a chance to hear about how the night out in the Angeles City red-light district went, you can watch the video HERE. I share about how that evening unfolded, and the need there. It was definitely one of the most intense evenings of my life.

This last video is for those whose hearts were moved by the need in Angeles City. I share some facts about Angeles City, that the Renew Foundation has discovered. I also share about the AMAZING work that they are doing there. They have another video on their website for you to watch.

If you are looking for a place to serve, regarding the issue of human trafficking and sexual exploitation, you are welcome to come here and work alongside me, BUT I ask that you would consider serving alongside what Renew is doing for the Kingdom, in the Philippines.

Facts not shown in the video:

– My trike driver got super lost on our way to Renew, but we eventually made it.

– Korean men are the number one (Asian) tourists, for sex tourism, to the Philippines.

– Renew has been working in Angeles City for 7 years.

<p><a href=”″>Quest to Find the City of Angels- The Call</a> from <a href=”″>Bethsaida Portalatin</a> on <a href=””>Vimeo</a&gt;.</p>

Thank you all for journeying along with me on this 5 part Vlog adventure on the Quest to Find the City of Angels. It’s so humbling to think that you would take time out of your day to be a part of this. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. ❤

May we continue to let our hearts break for what God’s heart breaks for, and be His hands and feet on Earth, while we still have breath to be.

Agenda: Love,


Quest To Find The City of Angels: Travel Day (video)

After staying the night in Manila, with my new roommate Lovely, I headed out the next morning to visit my friends in Puerto Galera.

I worked with Threads of Hope February 2011, and it was SUCH a blessing to serve there… and then to go back.

This second time I went back, I have decided to nickname Puerto Galera “The Island of Hope”, because everywhere you look you see these beautiful bracelets being made.

Puerto Galera is aesthetically one of the most gorgeous places that I have ever been to.


The family I worked with there is phenomenal. God is doing wonderful things through Threads of Hope and the Matienzo family. The church now has over 800 members!

Puerto Galera was missing a dear friend though, Christian on The Rocks. I was told by my friends there, that he died on New Years Eve. I pray that with his last breath he called out to Jesus.

Puerto Galera was where I knew, that I knew, God was calling me to work in the field of human trafficking. Meeting Paris was a miracle story. So it will always be a special place in my heart. I love my Filipino family there.

So after visiting there, it was time for me to make my trek towards Angeles City. I had finally got in contact with the founder of the organization, booked a hotel, and now all I had to do was get there… but it def wasn’t as simple as that. =)

Fun facts not shown in the video:

– Zoe Saldana movies seemed to follow me on both buses

– I saw a huge awesome sign that said “Talk to Me” -God, on the bus drive.

– Cubaou had the same feel to me as The Bronx… so you figure out how I felt there.. lets just say I walked REALLY fast to get to the bus station ( no offense to my Bronxonians =)

-I seriously had NO CLUE how to get to Fields Ave once I got off the bus and had to take a jeepney. But thank God I made it =)

So this video is mostly about my travel, and the next one will be about my night on Fields Ave. Thanks for journeying along friends. ❤

<p><a href=”″>The Quest to Find The City of Angels-Travel Day -</a> from <a href=”″>Bethsaida Portalatin</a> on <a href=””>Vimeo</a&gt;.</p>

Agenda: Love,


Quest to Find the City of Angels: Day 1 (video)

Here’s the first video from my Quest to Find the City of Angels.

I really didn’t know what to expect, but that’s the amazing thing about following God…He does some pretty cool stuff if you let Him.

He speaks.

Some fun facts not in the video:

-Lovely, who you’ll meet in the video, called me Dora the Explorer because she was always scared to do something, and I told her that if it scares me, I do it. =)

– The guys in the video didn’t speak one word to me on the plane or after…but they were loud and obnoxious in their seats the whole time… I wish I would have watched the video clip on the plane and caught them red-handed.

– I was REALLY tired on the plane, and almost didn’t want to bother speaking to her, but I kept on hearing God say to “talk to her”. Goes to show how many divine appointments we can miss if we’re not obedient to Him.

– I LOVE lighting… but that’s pretty obvious in the video.

<p><a href=”″>Quest To Find The City of Angels- Day 1 – Medium</a> from <a href=”″>Bethsaida Portalatin</a> on <a href=””>Vimeo</a>.</p>

Thanks for taking the time to watch, and journeying along with me. It means a lot. Thank you.

I pray this journey can be a blessing to you as well.

Today keep your ears open for your divine appointments. =)

Agenda: Love,


Quest To Find The Disney Land for Men

or as some of the other websites, I came across, named it “The Supermarket of Sex”.

I prefer to call it by it’s given name. Angeles City, Philippines. The English translation would be The City of Angels.

I’ll be heading to the Philippines tomorrow, and I’ll be there for a little bit longer than a week. My initial intent was to attend a Not For Sale Asia Pacific Forum focused on the issue of human trafficking, and I’ll also be visiting a ministry that was integral in confirming that my heart beats for the issue of human trafficking… but there is one monumental stop I need to make while I am in the Philippines.

Working in the red-light district here in Thailand, there is not much that I have not seen or heard yet, and the red-light district in the Philippines I’m sure is similar… but God exposed me to the issue of human trafficking, and gave me a burden for it, before I even knew what it was, through reading an article about Angeles City.

I’m not sure what I’ll be doing when I get there, and I will only be able to stop through for about a day and a half, but I’m praying that I can learn some new things, or maybe share some things that will be able move our hearts more towards justice and eternal freedom of so many of those trapped in this exploitation of vulnerability.

I explain a bit more in the video below. I would be honored if you came along and shared this experience with me. I look forward to seeing how God allows this trip to unfold.


Agenda: Love,


Massage Parlors + Bars = Modern Day Miracles

First there was one massage parlor= 2 girls

Then there was one massage parlor + one bar = 7 girls

Then there was one massage parlor + two bars =14 girls

Then there was no massage parlor + scattered girls = 4 girls

Today (2 weeks later) there are 2 massage parlors + 2 bars = 20 girls

More and more girls, from the red-light district, are wanting to learn English. I pray that they keep on coming.

This is opening up amazing doors to build relationships, hear their stories, share our stories, and love them with God’s supernatural love.

I’m praying that lives will be transformed, and become modern day miracles!

Oh, and did I mention that a past bar girl is now working with us, through our sponsorship program (that you can be a part of!), and helping us translate as we teach English….

She has quite a long road ahead of her, but she is in a Life-giving environment for 30 hours a week now!  The Light is greater than the darkness. So we’re going to pour into her the light, and truth of Jesus Christ, through living our lives with her.

Yea.. pretty sweet what God is doing here.

Keep praying! (and btw we need more volunteers too =) )

Agenda: Love,